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A Wedding Day That Never Was

Posted by Kurt Keydel on May 5, 2010

May 5, 1990 – Twenty years ago today, at the Severna Park Lutheran Church in Severna Park, Maryland, a wedding was to happen. Later, at Spinnaker’s restaurant (long gone) which used to be the sight of the Severn Inn (gone a lot longer), on the bank of the Severn River across from the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland, the wedding reception was scheduled.

What a day it was going to be! Friends from Maryland, Virginia and New Hampshire were invited, as well as family from Massachusetts and Michigan. The band, “Retrospective” were lined up to play the reception. It was going to be a fantastic celebration.

Two families were going to be joined through the union of Lisa and Kurt: The Barselous and the Keydels.

That day never happened. Six months prior to this date, in November of 1989, Lisa Barselou was raped and murdered in the Baltimore home she shared with me. I was away in Alaska, sailing on a factory (fishing) trawler in the Bering Sea. Though we shared our house with temporary tenants (we would live alone once we were married), they all left to be with girlfriends that night, leaving her alone for the first time since moving in. It was that night that someone without any sense of humanity, climbed into an unlocked window at the top of a fire escape, awoke her in the middle of the night and brutally took her life.

In memory of this day, I show the Lisa that I loved, with whom I laughed, sang and planned a life together.

Lisa with Kurt (left) and her father, Bob (right)

Yes, she could still be taken seriously!

More music performed by Lisa and me:

Free Man in Paris

Blue Bayou

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Curing the “Someday”s

Posted by Kurt Keydel on February 19, 2009

How to Cure Someday Syndrome

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit
Someday Syndrome: not doing what you want to because you don’t know what it is, probably because you’re procrastinating about it, or because you have too much stuff getting in your way.
Everyone suffers from Someday Syndrome at some point in their lives, often catching it repeatedly. You probably have something similar going on in your life – a project, a task, a goal – that you just haven’t got around to doing yet. Right? It would be easy to quote Nike and say: Just Do It, but if it were that simple Someday Syndrome wouldn’t exist. Here are some key ways to cure Someday Syndrome so that you don’t need to suffer through a cure.


  1. Be you. This is the happiness project’s number one happiness commandment. Maybe you’re not doing something because in reality, it doesn’t fit with who you are. If so, dump the idea and the expectations that likely came along with it, and go find something that suits you better.
  2. Clear out the junk. If you don’t know what would suit you better, it could be because your mind and emotions are all cluttered up. If your mind’s in chaos, how could you possibly make a clear decision on getting rid of your somedays? The clutter includes the negative thoughts (like thinking that you would never be able to run more than 30 minutes without dying), or negative attitudes (saying to yourself “I’m too lazy to run”).
  3. Know what you want. And why you want it. If you are going to cure Someday Syndrome, you’ll need to know details about that desire and the reasons behind it. And if you don’t know what that is, the blogosphere is full of blogs ready to help you figure out your dreams.
  4. Make a grand plan. “Grand” because this is the big picture plan. Don’t get carried away. Planning can feel like action, but really it’s no different than talking. Until you actually do something, you’re still procrastinating. Starting is more important than getting into detailed plans.
  5. Plan to be surprised. Once your plan is in action, it might not turn out the way you expected, but this isn’t always a bad thing, if you plan for it.
  6. Take one step at a time. The only details you need to choose at this point is first steps. Don’t get overwhelmed by details. Just focus on just the next two or three things that you’re going to do.
  7. Ignore the rest. That’s right. Ignore everything else in the goal except what you’re working on. We often use comparisons of where we are now to where we want to be as a form of procrastination. While checking in is always a good thing, we can do it when each small task is completed, and not in the middle of a task. When you’re in the middle of my current activity, don’t think about what’s coming up next week. Why would you want to freak yourself out?
  8. Get help. Daniel Gilbert in his book Stumbling on Happiness, says that the best route to figuring out if our goals will actually make us happy is to talk to others who have done it. Also try to be lazy when you can be, so if someone else has done the work, then there’s no need to waste your time reinventing the wheel, now is there?
  9. Don’t compare. Be careful when you get help, because the dream-shattering tendency to compare lurks nearby.
  10. Be uncomfortable. Judith Sills in her book The Comfort Trap, or What If You’re Riding a Dead Horse? talks about how we might be terribly unhappy, but we’re comfortable so we don’t do anything about the unhappiness. Happiness is a risk, but the current situation even if it’s painful is safe. Which would you prefer? Comfortably in pain and unhappy or uncomfortably blissful?
  11. Celebrate the process as well as the end. Acknowledge your progress. Use your FaceBook, blogs, other means to write about the progress. Tell others. And in turn, this sharing inspires others and helps them move past their own Somedays and toward achieving their goals.
  12. Don’t stop at the easy point. Wait a second. It’s important to push yourself just a little bit further than you think you can go. Commit beyond your initial goals. While you’re celebrating and taking it one step at a time, come up with one unexpected action you can take that’ll add energy, excitement and a bit of fear to your goal. That bit of fear will probably be the best motivator you’ve ever found.

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Sources and Citations

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Cure Someday Syndrome. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

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Lisa Michelle Barselou: March 21, 1963 – November 18, 1989…A Remembrance

Posted by Kurt Keydel on August 16, 2007

Nearly eighteen years ago, the life of a beautiful young woman was mercilessly and selfishly taken by a thug who possessed no self-worth or decency.  Lisa Barselou was found strangled in her Baltimore city home in the neighborhood of Bolton Hill in November 1989.  Her murder had been unsolved until June of 2007 when DNA evidence finally revealed her killer. She was pretty, fun-loving, with a fantastic sense of humor and a beautiful voice.  She deserved a life of far greater promise than the short time given her.

In memory of her life, her voice and spirit, I offer her rendition of Joni Mitchell’s “Free Man in Paris”.

You’re forever in my heart, Lisa.


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